I find myself at 33 weeks pregnant with my third child, and I don't know that it's treating me as well this time around. Yesterday morning I started crying because my sister emailed and said that she wasn't going to be stopping over. I wasn't even sad about it. I just started bawling and couldn't stop. For the rest of the day. I cried so many times that at one point in the evening my three and a half year old daughter looked at me and said-
Her: Are you going to cry again?
Me: I don't know, I don't think so.
Her: Don't cry again. I don't like it when you cry all the time. I like it when you cry sometimes, but I don't like it when you cry all the time.
I'm so tired. I'm tired all day long, which doesn't help how I feel inside at all. I just don't really feel like I'm doing anything at all that's worthwhile. I stay at home and drive my kids around, I only work around five hours a week, I try my best to keep the house from looking like a complete disaster (which doesn't even work), and everything other tiny thing that needs to be done to run a household. None of which adds up to anything. This is quite the pity party I'm having for myself, I just don't know how long I can keep running at this pace before I implode.
I can't find an escape by having "girl time" with my friends, because it seems as though they have all fallen by the wayside some time ago, not by my doing. I hate even reading this back to myself, because I hate how it is coming out; but I need to maybe let it out so I can start to let it go. I think if I can start to explain to myself how I feel and why, I can see what I can do to stop feeling that way. But it doesn't help when I come up with an idea, hair-brained as it may be, and my husband laughs at it. Don't get me wrong, he is a very supportive guy, but you should never laugh at an idea coming from a less than self-confident pregnant lady!
In the end, I'm very happy with my life, I just need to stop evaluating it so much and start enjoying it more.
