Tears of...joy? Definitely not.

I find myself at 33 weeks pregnant with my third child, and I don't know that it's treating me as well this time around.  Yesterday morning I started crying because my sister emailed and said that she wasn't going to be stopping over.  I wasn't even sad about it.  I just started bawling and couldn't stop.  For the rest of the day.  I cried so many times that at one point in the evening my three and a half year old daughter looked at me and said-

Her: Are you going to cry again?

Me: I don't know, I don't think so.

Her: Don't cry again.  I don't like it when you cry all the time.  I like it when you cry sometimes, but I don't like it when you cry all the time.

I'm so tired.  I'm tired all day long, which doesn't help how I feel inside at all.  I just don't really feel like I'm doing anything at all that's worthwhile.  I stay at home and drive my kids around, I only work around five hours a week, I try my best to keep the house from looking like a complete disaster (which doesn't even work), and everything other tiny thing that needs to be done to run a household.  None of which adds up to anything.  This is quite the pity party I'm having for myself, I just don't know how long I can keep running at this pace before I implode. 

I can't find an escape by having "girl time" with my friends, because it seems as though they have all fallen by the wayside some time ago, not by my doing.  I hate even reading this back to myself, because I hate how it is coming out; but I need to maybe let it out so I can start to let it go.  I think if I can start to explain to myself how I feel and why, I can see what I can do to stop feeling that way.  But it doesn't help when I come up with an idea, hair-brained as it may be, and my husband laughs at it.  Don't get me wrong, he is a very supportive guy, but you should never laugh at an idea coming from a less than self-confident pregnant lady! 

In the end, I'm very happy with my life, I just need to stop evaluating it so much and start enjoying it more.

If you have more than one kid...

Did you ever wake up one day and realize that you have not taken nearly as many photos and videos of your subsequent kids as you did of your first?  Did you feel guilty knowing that there is no way to even fix it?  I can't go back and take more pictures of my second daughter in her first year.  I can't go back and decide I should have taken a video of her doing something totally random and not that exciting.  It sounds so silly, but I look back at the pictures and videos of my first daughter and absolutely couldn't live without them.  Most of the videos are extremely boring for someone other than my husband or me, but I guess when I took them I wasn't really intending them for a different audience anyway.  They are capturing things I never thought I could ever forget, but with every new thing they do, the old cute things just get pushed further and further back in my memory.  It's easy for me to say that I will try and take more pictures of my second daughter, and even my first daughter these days, but then life happens, and I seem to always need to do something else that seems more important at the time.  I realize that washing clothes, dishes, picking up, etc. aren't priorities (well I think they shouldn't be.  afterall, why did I choose to stay home most of the time with my kids if I'm not actually going to spend time with them?), but it's really hard to let go of those tasks sometimes and just settle in with a stack of books or get down on the floor and build something.  I'll just chalk it up as another thing I need to work on; I just hope I don't end up being eaten away with guilt over it.  However, I will never forget my parents' excuse that their camera was broken for a very long time when I was a baby!

Facebook annoyances

I like the idea of facebook.  To be able to keep in touch with your friends and family all in one place is nice.  I don't like how some people use it.  I especially get irritated with a certain new mommy "facebook friend" of mine.  After suffering through her pregnancy (me, not her!), she finally had the baby a few months ago.  Only now I have no relief from the repetitive comments, in fact it's much worse!  You would think she's the only person who ever had a newborn baby who didn't sleep constantly or for several hours at a time.  I could take a break from the twice a day, sometimes more, comments about his sleep schedule.  Even your closest friends and family can't care that much, can they?  Yes, I know I can de-friend her or just block her, but where's the fun in that?  What if I miss something I need to know?  Also, how in the world would I be able to complain about it if I did that?  This is not a serious grievance, just one of the many minor things I have to gripe about since there is nothing seriously wrong in my life!